This has been on my mind a lot lately

(Crap. If it doesn’t work for you, click here.

Seriously.

I’m trying to start a meditation practice. Yesterday I mentioned engaging in a guided meditation that nearly put me out of commission. I was so utterly relaxed. I’m really making an attempt to live more mindfully. Meditation is part of that. So is simplifying my life, and reducing the amount of stuff I have become a slave to.

Last night I spent with my daughter, perusing the aisles at Target. Not to blast Target (or it’s evil twin W__mart), but the obscene consumerism over there has begun to make me twitch. If I bother to think about it. If I mindlessly wander, like I’m prone to do, then I’m overcome with how much I think I need this item, or that one. And I buy, buy, buy.

Before she dropped by, I was organizing my yarn stash (or trying to), and was stuffing skeins into my curio cabinet in the dining room. When I realized the whole project looked like ass, and I hadn’t even begun to make a dent in the stash, I got wildly anxious and threw everything back where it came from. That’s when I realized I have an obscene amount of yarn. More than I will ever use.

BUT. This yarn brings me a strange feeling of comfort. It feels like money in the bank. Though I suspect actual money in the bank would feel more secure, but at this point, what do I know about that.

Anyway. The stash is going into labeled ziplock bags.

From there I hope to store it on simple wire shelves upstairs in the spare bedroom — well within my sight. I know what I want to use each bag of yarn for — it did indeed have a purpose when I bought it. So when I get the urge to fondle fiber and drool on new colors, I plan to march straight upstairs and do it from stash.

My problem, and it is indeed a problem, is that I view shopping (for yarn and other stuff) as a means of self-care. Now, shopping for food is probably a valid means of self care. Shopping for earrings or shoes or a new lipstick is probably not. But it’s just like the little video above says it is. I work all day, come home exhausted and spent, and think of all the different ways that I suck, and then think, rather obsessively at times, of how I could fix that by buying just the right handbag, or yarn, or the needles that looked really cool, or three shirts that will make me look thinner than I am. Always, the message is that what I have, and what I am, is not good enough.

This is a crazy world we live in. It helps to remember that I did not engineer this wild consumerist society by myself. I am being manipulated and cajoled on an hourly basis that I need more stuff. The trick is to learn to be more mindful.

Does this make sense to anyone else but me, I wonder. It’s okay if it doesn’t. This is my blog, and I’ll write train of thought jibberish if I want to!

I would like to find a soft little case for my digital camera. My mind tells me that Vera Bradley just introduced their Spring ‘08 prints and they make this fabulous little techie case, and Parkleigh is just a short drive away…

I’m trying to mindfully live, remember. So I am knitting some Berroco alpaca up into a striped bag that I will felt, and I am thrilled with the colors. Much better than any overpriced Vera Bradley, any day!

Wisp is blocked. The cat slept on her last night as she dried on the spare bed.

Like I said, all I need is buttons. It remains to be seen if buttons from my grandmother’s stash will work, or if they’ll be too heavy, and I’ll need to run by Joann’s to pick up some light weight shell buttons.

One more shot of the stash (or part of it). On the right is a pile of Koigu topped with Silky Wool, and on the left is some Fleece Artist, Schaeffer, and Lorna’s Laces. Yes, I have plans for all of it. Absolutely.

**************************************************************

Ready to felt.

**************************************************************

I think this felted pretty well.

Can’t get it up this year

Made you look, huh?

It’s not what you think. I can’t seem to stir up much enthusiasm for the holidays. Working through them doesn’t help much, I’m sure. Just being overwhelmed contributes, too, I suppose.

Guess maybe it’s time to set some limits.

Anyway….I have a lot of wrapping to do. Would it be okay if I just shmushed everything into gift bags and shook up some tissue paper oh-so-artfully, crammed it in, and presented everything that way?

(“Oh my GOODNESS! Would you look at this! She’s so clever! She blurred the picture so we can’t see what she got us!”)

My Malabrigo waves scarf is coming along. I see myself burying my nose in it. It’s warm and comforting, and brings to mind a small child self-soothing with a blankie.

(Yes, that’s right. I’m into self soothing again. So what?)

Harrison wishes his mom would pay more attention to him and quit dicking around with the damned scarf.

PLEASE?

Several months ago I picked up some Reynolds Whiskey on sale.

I have been sitting on it ever since. (Another yarn purchase with no clue.) However, I found this on Ravelry. I think that might be my next project. I want to line the bag, though. And change out that goofy looking handle they have on the pattern. The one they have is kind of busy.

I should be baking fruitcakes. But like every other year in the 20 year history of fruitcake baking for my dad…it’s not the mixing that I dread. It’s the lining of all those pans with greased brown paper.

I have no motivation today. None. I’m sort of hoping for a massive amount of snow so I can work at least the morning from home tomorrow. I have a ton of documentation to finish from Friday.

If I don’t get moving, Christmas is going to bite me in the ass.

Blech. This picture of the cat grasps what I feel like today. I only want to watch the snow fall….